Comparison, Identity, & Christ

It seems to me that in our day and in our culture, comparison is rampant. And if you’re a girl, it’s almost inevitable. It stinks, honestly, to find yourself trapped in the bondage of comparison, and it’s hard to know what to do when you find yourself there.

And even though this sounds cliché, in a world with social media, where everyone’s lifestyles, interests, hobbies, routines, etc. are broadcasted and idolized for all to see, sometimes I wonder: how can we not compare ourselves? Can we ever truly be free from the bondage of comparison?

As Christians, though, we know that instead of comparison, we should cultivate gratitude and contentment. But how? How is that possible in the world and culture in which we live?

Honestly, I don’t have a perfect answer, but I know that Christ does. And as I know Him more, I’m starting to see a little of how it is possible to truly be free from the bondage of comparison and how it is possible to live my life rooted in Him.

These thoughts have been on my mind a lot over the past few months, especially as I have been reading through the gospels and seeing more of Christ. Awhile ago my friend (Aiselyn) shared a blog post, which was a few years old, but was perfect for what I’ve been thinking about and really hit home with me.

We talk a lot about our identity being in Christ. I’ve said that, I’m sure you’ve said that, and we’ve genuinely meant it. But have we ever stopped to think about what that actually looks like? I can say that I haven’t.

You see, in trying to escape the bondage of comparison, I’ve had such a focus on “being the person God created me to be.” Let me explain: a little bit ago I found myself in a place where I was in such bondage to how social media personalities (and everyone like them) were living - how they dressed, how the decorated their homes, how they posted on Instagram and what the edit looked like, how they got coffee on a daily basis, how they were able to shop at Target (my favorite store) whenever they wanted, how they did their makeup, how they worked out, how they were entrepreneurs and created their own lives & schedules, etc. etc. And even though it sounds weird, I craved that lifestyle so much that I almost started to live vicariously through them (and I think that’s one of the blaring dangers of social media, but that topic is for another time). So instead of finding purpose, gratitude, and joy in my own day-to-day life, I would just watch their YouTube videos, think about their lifestyles, and either try to make my life like theirs, or just ignore the reality of my own life and act as if mine was like theirs (it’s honestly comical, but it’s also a sad reality of how trapped we can become).

Thankfully, however, the Lord really did (and still does) want to work in my heart, and I started to understand how faulty that was: how much that wasn’t how the Lord wanted me to live. And so I started to thank the Lord for the life He’d given me, and the person He’d made me (side note: you can already see the fault of this mindset, as it’s very much about me, but anyway…), and I began to find purpose and gratitude in my own life. I began to find a focus on the Lord in my life - in the fact that I’m a nanny (and that I love my job), I live in a small apartment in Denver with Ryan, we have a monthly budget to maintain (so no, I can’t buy coffee and go shopping whenever I want), I go to the Denver Gospel Hall and have an incredible group of Christians in my local assembly, I enjoy working out, I love planning, being productive, and organizing, I love homemaking - cooking, decorating, cleaning - all of it, etc. etc. And truly, I started to find confidence and joy in the person God made me. And I’m thankful for that. No, every day was not perfect, but I was growing (and certainly still am).

But then came the article. I’ll insert it here: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/modesty-misunderstood

When I saw the title I was curious, and thought it would be very much about modesty in regard to how we dress. But as you can read, it takes a much different approach. It’s a great article about modesty in regard to dress too, as it puts it into a much better perspective, but what struck a chord with me was the focus on identity. As the author said, “Modesty, or the lack thereof, reveals where we’ve placed our identity.” Then she went on to say,

“We live in an identity-addicted society. We strive to put our tastes and acquisitions on display so that everyone knows who we are. We’re told to accentuate our best features, get what we want out of life, stand up for and express ourselves. Social media is often the megaphone we use to herald our personal identity and covertly brag about our smarts, body, sexuality, culture, politics, sports, relationships, family, insecurities, experiences, and possessions.”

It’s when she said this that I realized that, even though it was valid and genuine, our culture/world had made such an influence on my mindset of “being who God created me to be.” Don’t misunderstand me: of course it is valid and Biblical and focused on God (mostly), and He does want us to be grateful for the way He made us. But our culture has seeped so much into this mindset that it has become faulty. It’s become much more “me-focused” than God-focused, and it has become romanticised and idolized to the point where we are lifting ourselves up and finding contentment and joy in our own selves rather than in our Creator. We are justifying self-obsession because after all, “this is the person God made me to be.” And honestly, a lot of modern Christian women - albeit with good intention - are broadcasting this idea about “being the woman God created you to be,” and are totally missing the focus that this article so pointedly expresses - which, I think, is the far more important focus:

“... Christians are called to make much of Christ, to make him our identity. Our manner and appearance should be so empty of self that others don’t have to make an effort to forget what we wore, or our particular hairstyle, or what stuff we possess.

Do our lives proclaim him? Are we willing to be just another wallflower that clings to the Cornerstone, letting our presence here on earth only serve to draw attention to him?

Modesty, in essence, is to put on Christ (Romans 13:14).”

When she said the words “to make him our identity,” it was literally like I got slapped in the face. Our identity should equal HIM. It was then that I realized how far away I was from that. I had put such a focus on the other mindset of being who God created me, that it was in that that I had placed my identity. I was choosing to be defined by what I mentioned earlier: being a nanny, wife, homemaker, part of the assembly in Denver, etc. I was literally making that my identity, making that what defined me. And that was wrong. Again, it’s not wrong to be grateful for those things and to understand God’s purpose in making you the way He did/giving you the life He did, but to allow it to come to a point of self-focus and self-worship is sinful. It is prideful. It is totally not focused on the Savior. But that is what our culture, and even modern Christianity, is pushing.

Instead, my identity needs to be Him. I need to “put on Christ.” Those things - the things that make up who God created me to be - are only worth as much as they are completely and fully rooted in Christ. My life should not be defined by those things, but by Christ, and He, in turn, will define those things (and every other aspect of my life). The article explained this thought so well:

“Real Christians love to fade into the background, serving the needs of others, asking Jesus to take center stage. We’ve been freed to have a truly modest, nondescript life and countenance, which will make the world wonder why we’re not fighting for our social status and incidental preferences. Perhaps we can be so liberated from human approval and praise that they begin to inquire, ‘Who are you?’

And we can respond, ‘I am not my own, for I was bought with a price. I belong to God’ (1 Corinthians 6:19–20; Romans 14:8).”

Can I say that? Would I say that? Am I okay with having a “nondescript life” or being a “wallflower,” as the author puts it, so that I only point others to my Savior? I should be. That should be my aim.

And even though I’m still learning what it looks like to have Christ define every aspect of my life, I think it is when we finally learn to embrace that (which may never fully happen on this earth), that we will be freed from comparison. Because it is then that we will be so rooted and established in our Savior that there will be no need to compare ourselves to others because we will have Him, and that is enough. That is worth everything.

Guest writer: Cara McMichael

Thank you all for tuning in for this special post, Cara and I have been friends our whole lives and I was so encouraged when she shared these words with me and for allowing me to share them on this platform! I hope you enjoy!